Chapter 13: Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Alone

Saori Sakaki… was merely enduring.

For a while, she rode the train with a blank expression and eventually arrived at the top floor of the apartment building near the station. As usual, she quietly opened the door, not bothering to turn on the lights, and collapsed onto her bed.

「…Ah, I’m tired」

She didn’t want to move. Although she thought she should at least change her clothes, her body—or rather, her heart—felt so heavy that she couldn’t move. Her chest ached so much that she felt she might fall apart if she let her guard down. That’s why she couldn’t bring herself to get up.

「…I’m such a fool」

She had a little hope. She thought that if she delivered the smartphone cover, she might be invited inside, and then… they could reconcile. She had foolishly hoped for something like that.

But in reality, Konoha had let an unfamiliar girl into his home, and she was not welcomed. They were so scantily clad and seemed so close, it was unlikely they were just friends.

「At least he walked me home… that’s something」

She didn’t truly feel that way, but she forced herself to believe it, or else she’d feel terribly pathetic.

「…I know. It’s my fault」

That day, when Saori was called out by Kozaburo Miwa, he asked her in the classroom after school:

「Saori, do you actually like him?」

Miwa had a somewhat accusatory tone. Ever since he found out that Saori was dating Konoha, he had advised her multiple times to break up with him. Yet Saori had refused each time.

So she thought that day’s summons was just more of the same. But Miwa was much more emotional that day.

「So, I…」

That’s why Saori shook her head. She said the usual words, claiming she was dating him but had no romantic feelings.

Saori didn’t want to rely on anyone. After what happened with her mother, she decided to reject others and live on her own. Miwa was the only person she could call a friend, but that didn’t mean she had let her guard down around him.

…Miwa had always been kind to Saori, even though he had that attitude towards Konoha. He never did anything that she would dislike. In that sense, he was a little like Konoha.

Now she realized that their core was entirely different, but it was too late for that to matter.

「I… had been smiling」

Remembering Konoha’s words, Saori touched her cheek. She hadn’t realized it herself until Konoha pointed it out. Or maybe she just didn’t want to admit it. When Miwa asked her about Konoha, Saori thought back to their memories.

Because of her cold demeanor, they hadn’t gone on proper dates. They hadn’t even held hands. But, it wasn’t like nothing had happened.

Realizing this, Saori had unconsciously… smiled. She thought of Konoha in front of Miwa and smiled.

But because Saori said nothing, Konoha had no way of knowing that. And ironically, it was a smile Miwa had never seen before, which is why he accused Konoha so fiercely. He wanted to prove to Konoha that he was superior, even if it meant lying.

「…I just didn’t want to admit it」

Saori hadn’t realized she was smiling. Even when it was pointed out, she didn’t want to admit it. Because she had to live alone. Yet, she didn’t want to admit she was happy to be pursued by a blond, wild-looking guy like him.

「A convenient backup, huh」

That’s why she used such harsh words. He had forgiven her before, and she thought he wouldn’t get angry over something like that this time either. She assumed he was someone who liked flashy things and didn’t sweat the small stuff, as his appearance and behavior in class suggested.

「But… I was wrong」

The real him was delicate, kind, and had a vulnerability as if he were always being chased by something. And like her, he didn’t rely on others. He seemed to get along well with classmates, but upon closer inspection, he kept his distance.

His smile must have been his armor to protect himself, just as Saori had used her cold demeanor to protect herself.

「If only I had realized sooner…」

She thought she was clever enough to use Konoha to keep troublesome guys away. She had been conceited, thinking he was strong enough not to be hurt by such things.

And now, it resulted in this pitiful state.

「That person… wanted to touch me, huh」

It wasn’t the kind of desire other boys had for her… No, he must have had those feelings too. But in his words, there was a kindness that wanted Saori to acknowledge him.

He wanted to be accepted enough to be allowed to touch her. He just wanted to be liked by Saori. The words Saori dismissed as the actions of a frivolous man were all expressions of his sincere affection.

「…Even if it was a lie, I wish he had held me just once」

She knew it couldn’t happen, yet the words slipped out. She closed her eyes, escaping into memories of the past.

Last year, when they were first years, by chance, they were seated next to each other. He was just as bright and noisy as now, but he didn’t force conversations.

…However, there was a time he forgot his textbook, and Saori lent him hers. They pushed their desks together and shared the textbook. It was a hassle, but since he was taking the class seriously, she thought it was fine. After class, he said, ‘Thank you, Sakaki-san, you’re kind.’

…She didn’t know why. It was an ordinary, not special phrase. But maybe it was because of those words that Saori accepted Konoha’s confession.

「So many things happened…」

They didn’t go on proper dates. They never held hands. But looking back, surprisingly, all the memories were happy—

「No, that’s not it…」

It’s the same thing Konoha mentioned earlier. From Saori’s perspective, they might have been happy memories, but for Konoha, they were painful memories of being constantly rejected by her. If she told him it was fun, he’d surely get angry again.

「…Huh, why…」

Suddenly, tears began to flow. She didn’t even know what was coming out. She just… couldn’t stop the tears.

「I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I… I…!」

She wanted to be strong enough to live on her own. She didn’t want to entrust her heart to someone else. She wanted to live in a quiet world without unnecessary people.

…But now, she longed for his voice. Just a little, she wanted him to touch her. She wanted to be touched. But by now, Konoha was probably eating ice cream with that girl or… doing something else entirely.

Thinking about it made her chest ache so much… the tears wouldn’t stop.

He had said he loved her so many times. If she had properly received his affection even once, he would still be by her side, smiling the same way while eating ice cream with her…

She realized now how wrong she’d been, how she’d made mistakes over and over again.

「I… wasn’t strong enough to live alone…」

She just wanted to see him. She wanted to hold onto his back and tell him not to go. But it was too late for that. So Saori was left alone in a silent room, shedding tears.

「…I’m sorry」

That small lament would never reach Konoha, and Saori’s regret was absorbed by the night’s darkness and vanished.

TL: Guys don’t fall for Saori-chan’s tricks again, she’s gaslighting you. Kotone-chan still best girl

◇

「I’m home」

Not knowing what Koga liked, I bought a bunch of desserts and ice creams on a whim and returned home.

Aside from continuing the massage, there were a few things I needed to discuss with Koga. Well, since we aren’t dating, it might be annoying to suddenly bring up my ex-girlfriend.

But the other day, Koga saw me in a pathetic state. She didn’t ask what happened, but she must have been curious. When I was pathetically crying, Koga promised we would do something fun. So at the very least, I should tell her what happened.

With that in mind, I returned home…

「Koga-san, you’re sleeping…」

Koga was asleep on the sofa.

「So defenseless…」

She probably didn’t think I’d do anything weird. She looked so peaceful and secure in her sleep.

「I guess we’ll talk tomorrow」

It would be a shame to wake her now. I carefully walked to avoid making noise, fetched a blanket, and draped it over Koga. It might have been better to carry her to bed instead of letting her sleep on the sofa, but using my bed would be problematic.

「…I should sleep too」

Leaving Koga alone in this room seemed pitiful. I changed into comfortable clothes in my room, laid down on a sofa a little distance from Koga, and wrapped myself in a blanket. Since Koga was asleep, I could skip the bath until tomorrow.

「I hope Sakaki-san got home safely」

I was slightly worried, but then again, it wasn’t something I should be concerned about anymore. Unlike me, Sakaki-san is strong enough to live alone without needing anyone’s approval. I don’t need to worry about her.

「…Time to sleep」

I must have been unknowingly exhausted. When I turned off the room’s lights, a strong drowsiness overtook me. I didn’t resist it and quietly closed my eyes.