Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Episode 12: The End

「──Let’s break up already.」

A particularly cold wind blew through. The remnants of winter still lingering somewhere swept through my chest along with the chilly breeze.

I finally said it.

The feelings I should have put into words much earlier, I finally managed to express.

「…………」

But even though I thought I would feel more relieved after saying it, the sentiments from the past remained settled in my chest. The thorn lodged in my heart wouldn’t come out.

Of course, I don’t regret it. I don’t wish to start over either. Even if Sakaki-san shows something akin to affection now, I can no longer accept it sincerely. At this point, our relationship must be over.

I looked straight at Sakaki-san. She placed the hand she had extended towards me on her chest and looked down. Her long hair got in the way, keeping me from seeing her expression.

「…………」

「…………」

After a prolonged silence, Sakaki-san spoke in a barely audible voice.

「Is it because of… that person from earlier?」

I shook my head slightly.

「It has nothing to do with Kokone-san. Even if I hadn’t reunited with her, it wouldn’t have changed what I had to say… But if there’s something to trigger it, it was probably when you called me a convenient backup, Sakaki-san.」

If it were just those words, maybe I could have forgiven it. But Sakaki-san was smiling in front of Miwa-kun. After smiling, she called me a convenient fallback. At that moment, my mind was made up.

「I see… it’s my fault… I can’t blame anyone else…」

「It’s not just Sakaki-san who’s at fault. It’s just that if we continue this relationship, we’ll only end up hurting each other… No, that’s just an excuse.」

I exhaled. I’ve been sighing a lot lately. …Really, how did it come to this?

「To be honest, I can’t stand being by your side anymore, Sakaki-san. So… I’m sorry for confessing to you, but I want to break up.」

「…………」

Sakaki-san didn’t say anything. I continued.

「Don’t worry, I won’t do anything to trouble you, like spreading strange rumors or getting into fights with Miwa-kun. I’ll try to explain to everyone in class as best as I can, so you don’t have to worry about that, Sakaki-san.」

Honestly, if there’s a conflict, it’ll probably be on my end, not Sakaki-san’s. …There’s already a rumor going around that I’m cheating with a girl from Mikagami Academy. If word spreads that we broke up, it’ll only confirm that rumor.

And today, I shopped with Kokone-san in her school uniform. Since just a short walk home last time sparked rumors, it wouldn’t be surprising if someone saw us again. Including the smartphone issue, I should brace myself for some trouble.

I sighed again.

「Originally, I thought about telling you some harsher things, but… somehow, it’s fine. Earlier, you said that what’s done can’t be undone, and I truly believe that’s true. …The fact that I liked you, Sakaki-san, won’t just disappear. So, it’s fine.」

To hurt her and relieve my feelings would be like throwing stones at my past self. …It’s not that I’ve forgiven her or that I have no anger. But if I direct that at Sakaki-san, I won’t be able to laugh.

I don’t want to laugh at something like that.

「…The truth is, I wanted to be able to live on my own.」

Sakaki-san said in a small, vanishing voice.

「I’ve been shy since I was a child, and the only person I could talk to was my mother.」

I thought it was a sudden topic, but it was the same for me. I waited for her words without interrupting.

「But even my mother made a man outside and left me. I knew my parents were having problems, but as a child, I thought my mother abandoned me. Feeling betrayed, I became afraid to trust people.」

Sakaki-san started walking. Like she was trying to escape my gaze, she never turned to face me.

「I started rejecting people. I thought I’d never like anyone. While living that way, I was labeled as the ‘Princess with the cold attitude’ and ended up being followed by strange men.」

So to protect herself from troublesome men, she decided to date me. Fighting poison with poison… it’s laughable, but from my perspective, it’s no laughing matter.

「But Miwa-kun is your childhood friend, right? Instead of relying on an unfamiliar guy like me, you could have relied on Miwa-kun.」

「He’s… been my friend since forever. When I became harsh to others after my mom’s incident, he was the only one who didn’t abandon me. He’s a precious friend… That’s why I didn’t want to rely on him.」

That’s why she dated me. Not to rely on, but to use me as a convenient fallback.

「…At first, I thought you were just like everyone else, projecting your convenient desires onto me. …But you didn’t force your way into my life. That’s why I decided to date you.」

「Selfish… but I won’t say that now. But… I wish you had told me sooner.」

If she had, maybe there would have been a different future. …But I don’t think that way anymore.

「It seems Miwa-kun didn’t like that I dated you… But he and I are really just friends. Nothing more happened.」

「Alright, let’s leave it at that. For Sakaki-san, I was a convenient fallback, and Miwa-kun is a childhood friend. That’s enough.」

「That’s… yes, I suppose so. No matter what I say now…」

Sakaki-san stopped walking again. Through the gap in her beautiful black hair, I caught a glimpse of her profile. She had a sad expression, like a girl who’s been left behind by someone important.

…But I couldn’t understand what hurt Sakaki-san. Even if I could, supporting her is no longer my role.

「I get the gist of your situation, Sakaki-san. But there’s nothing more I can do, so instead, find someone better than me. …No, that’s pushing it. If you want to live alone, I’ll support you in that.」

「Thank you…」

「Still, if it becomes unbearable, this time rely on Miwa-kun, not me. …I think he’d be happy with that.」

「Yes…」

「And if possible, don’t treat anyone as a convenient backup like you did with me. It only ends up hurting both parties.」

「I understand. I’ll be careful…」

After walking in silence for a while, we reached the station. I said most of what I wanted to. I conveyed what I needed to. This is enough for now.

「Well, I’m going now. It’s late, so be careful on your way home, Sakaki-san.」

「…Yes. You too, take care.」

Sakaki-san never turned to face me. But there’s no point in continuing the conversation. I turned my back on her and started walking.

「…Is there still something?」

But for some reason, Sakaki-san grabbed my arm.

「…I… enjoyed being with you. You said I wasn’t smiling, but… I really did have moments of joy. But I didn’t want to admit it. So I said those terrible things…」

「No, it’s fine, but──」

「Even though… I’ll probably never have the chance to say it again. So I wanted to apologize one last time…」

「Sakaki-san…」

「I’m sorry. Truly… I’m sorry! I only took advantage of your kindness… and gave nothing… nothing in return!」

A voice not characteristic of Sakaki-san, filled with emotion. But I didn’t turn back.

「It’s fine, it’s fine. If I could be of any help to you, then my efforts were worth it. So, like I said earlier, if you get another chance to date someone, let them know sooner.」

「I’m sorry… But when I think about you being with that person from now on, I just can’t help…」

I thought her voice trembled slightly. …How unfair, I thought. But even so, I didn’t turn back.

「Sorry, but I can’t keep talking. I can’t leave Kokone-san alone for too long. I also promised to bring back pudding or ice cream.」

「…Oh.」

I shook off Sakaki-san’s hand and walked away.

「Well, I’m going now. Thanks for coming all the way to my house today. …Yeah. Truly, thank you for everything. Good luck, Sakaki-san.」

Whether she heard my last words, I don’t know. But Sakaki-san didn’t try to stop me again.

「…Really, what am I doing?」

In the end, I never understood how Sakaki-san truly felt about me. But I hoped that one day, she’d find someone she could open up to.

「Alright, I’ll buy both ice cream and pudding on the way back.」

I whispered softly and quickened my pace. The sky I looked up at was covered in thick clouds, and the moon was no longer visible.