Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Chapter 20: The Kiss

「──Sakashima Ochiba-kun. I love you.」

Her words resound in the quiet classroom. In an instant, I recall the cool and gentle sensation that had brushed my lips for just a moment. The blood boiling in my head freezes in a heartbeat, so surreal it’s like a dream.

When I come to my senses, I realize I’ve let go of Miwa’s collar and am staring at Saori Sakaki instead. Her cheeks are faintly pink. Rather than her usual cold gaze, her eyes look as if she’s forcing herself to swallow her embarrassment, looking right at me.

「Why…」

That’s all that tumbles out of my mouth. It’s meaningless, I know. I should have more important things to say, but the words won’t come. My heart thuds so loudly I can hardly think straight.

「W-What are you doing, Saori…?」

Kozaburo Miwa mutters in shock, sounding much more rattled than when I was grabbing him by the collar. Slowly, he moves toward Saori.

「Saori… did you really just say you love that guy…? And you even… k-kissed him…?」

「If I didn’t go that far, none of you would ever believe me.」

「But…」

Miwa falls silent and turns to the other guys for help, the ones who fancy themselves as Saori fans.

「…」

But they’re so stunned that they just stare at each other, wide-eyed, unable to speak.

…No, one of them, the leader, seems a bit more composed than the rest. His voice trembles, but he manages to say:

「S-Sakaki-san… that was a lie, wasn’t it…? You’ve got some dirt on you that he’s using to threaten you, right? That’s why you’d do something like that…」

「Y-Yeah! We’re on your side, Sakaki-san! You don’t have to get involved with someone like him—」

「Enough!」

Saori’s voice rings out. It’s not especially loud, but it’s filled with a strong emotion that resonates clearly in the room. When she’s upset like that, the very people who supposedly ‘protected’ her can only fall silent.

「Don’t decide my feelings for me! I’m sick of it! Forcing Ochiba-kun to look so miserable… do you think that would make me happy? If you cause him any more trouble, I’ll never forgive you!」

「…!」

The guys recoil. Saori is furious—truly, visibly furious in a way I’ve never seen before.

「…Let’s go. Ochiba-kun doesn’t need to waste any more time with them.」

She grabs my arm. This isn’t like the time at the station, when she clutched me as if clinging on for dear life. This time, her touch is confident, backed by her own will. So I let her pull me along, but a voice calls out from behind, trying to stop us.

「Wait, Saori! Are you really serious about loving a guy like him? You saw it, right? The way he grabbed me by the collar! He’s violent, he’s irresponsible! I’m way more… way more capable than he is! I’m good at sports and academics, I’m tall and handsome, and I’ve always been at your side! So why…!?」

Miwa’s voice is trembling. Saori turns around and, in a calm tone that contrasts with her earlier anger, speaks:

「…You wouldn’t understand. You only want to use me to prove your own worth. …Well, I can’t say that for certain, but at least that’s how it looks to me.」

「That’s not true! I really do care about you! Way more than that irresponsible jerk ever could—I love you more than he does!」

「You’re not in love with me. You just don’t realize it yet… All of you are projecting your own ideal onto me instead of seeing who I really am.」

「That’s not it! Don’t lump me in with the rest of them! I’m thinking about you, I—」

「But you won’t believe me when I say I like him. You trust whatever version of me you’ve got inside your head more than the real words coming from my mouth.」

「I…」

Miwa falls silent, lowering his gaze. The other guys avoid eye contact as though they’re running from the truth in Saori’s words.

「I’m not a doll that exists to fulfill your fantasies. I fall in love with people… and sometimes I want to kiss them. If you truly cared for me, you’d respect my feelings.」

「…This is bullshit, Saori. That doesn’t sound like you at all. You used to be so timid, unable to decide anything by yourself… Right! It’s you who’s seeing a convenient fantasy in him! He’s totally different from you, so now you’re imagining he’s something special! It’s like seeing some delinquent acting kind to a kitten and assuming he’s a great guy! But that isn’t kindness at all!」

「Then is what you’ve been doing considered kindness?」

「…!」

Miwa can’t answer, and Saori regards him with a cool, dispassionate stare.

「I’ve had enough. I’ve got nothing more to say to any of you. …I’m furious. You’ve made Ochiba-kun look so hurt… you keep treating him so cruelly…」

「No, it’s him who—!」

「No, it’s not!」

She practically shouts, angrier than I’ve ever seen her.

「Miwa-kun, and all of you back there! If you do anything else to hurt Ochiba-kun, I’ll never forgive you! Don’t forget that!」

With that, still holding onto my arm, Saori leaves the classroom. Neither Miwa nor the others can bring themselves to stop her.

We walk in silence for a while until we return to our usual classroom. It’s empty now, just the two of us. Finally, Saori lets go of my arm and, looking apologetic, lowers her head.

「…I’m sorry for doing something so impulsive.」

「No, there’s no need to apologize. Actually… thank you. You saved me.」

Looking back, I was pretty worked up a moment ago. I knew I’d passed some classmates on the way, but I’d still been ready to cause a scene.

「But it’s my fault this happened in the first place. And… doing something like that out of nowhere…」

Saori’s cheeks flush red. Remembering that soft sensation, I feel my own face heat up too.

「…So, Sakaki-san… that kiss… you did it to help me, right? Or maybe—」

「It was sincere. I wouldn’t kiss you if I didn’t mean it. …But I’m sorry. I did it without asking how you felt, and I’m really sorry for that.」

「No, it’s…」

Well, there’s something to be said about kissing someone without warning. …But it’s not as if I hated it. It just makes my chest tighten, leaving me at a loss for words.

Saori exhales as if releasing all the heat from her body, then looks straight at me.

「I don’t expect to be forgiven just because of that. It’s not like a kiss is some magic trick that’ll make you fall in love with me. …But my feelings are real. I hope you can believe that much, at least.」

「…」

I can’t say anything. The window’s still open, letting a pleasant spring breeze waft into the classroom. Saori’s beautiful black hair sways gently.

She speaks quietly, continuing:

「Up until now, I’ve hurt you a lot. I’ve caused you pain again and again. So I have no right to condemn them for doing the same. But… I love you. I love you, so I couldn’t stand seeing you hurt like that.」

「…You think I looked hurt? I assumed I just seemed angry…」

「When people are angry, it’s always because they’re hurting in some way. At least, that’s how it looked to me. You looked… wounded.」

「…I see.」

So maybe Saori was angry because she was hurting, too. She saw me hurting, and it hurt her in turn. That’s why she… kissed me.

「…」

I touch my lips. Of course, her warmth isn’t there anymore. I know that, but my chest still aches.

「So, Sakaki-san. About that confession of yours…」

I swallow my embarrassment and glance her way, but she shakes her head.

「I don’t need an answer right now. I have a feeling I know what you’d say anyway. …But I want you to know that I’m not lying about how I feel. That’s all.」

「…」

It’s a strange feeling. I’m not upset or anything. It was my first kiss, but it happened so fast that I’m not even sure it really happened. Still… I didn’t dislike it.

…I’ve just got too many things spinning in my head. She and I only just broke up, and she’d never even let me hold her hand. Now suddenly she’s kissed me and told me she loves me. A month ago, I would have been over the moon about this.

…But hearing it now, after our breakup, I just don’t know what to do.

「Well then, shall we head home for today?」

Maybe she’s being considerate of how quiet I’ve gotten, because she looks away and picks up her bag from her desk. I get mine too and start walking.

I’m not sure if I should ask if we should walk home together. I pause, glancing at Saori.

「Ah—」

「…」

She’s looking at me, too. Our eyes meet, and for some reason my chest clenches again.

「…」

「…」

We just stare at each other silently for a bit. I can’t help but notice her pretty pink lips again.

「…Um, Sakaki-san.」

「…What is it?」

「…No, sorry, never mind. Let’s get going, yeah?」

「…Yes, let’s go home.」

We each take our bags and leave the classroom.

「We have the sports festival coming up, so let’s do our best, alright?」

She murmurs softly.

「Yeah. Let’s give it our all. Let’s go for first place while we’re at it.」

I reply with a simple, obvious remark.

After that, neither of us says a word as we walk together to the station. My house is within walking distance of the school, so I don’t really need to go all the way there. And yet, I find myself following her anyway.

When it’s time to part ways—right in the spot where she clung to me last time—Saori looks straight at me and says:

「…I’ll wait for you. As long as it takes, I’ll wait. So someday… I hope you’ll tell me how you feel.」

「…Alright. I promise.」

「Thank you. …Well, see you.」

She waves gently, then runs off toward the train platform. I stand frozen in place, watching until she’s out of sight.

「…What the hell am I doing?」

I mutter softly, gazing up at the darkening sky. …Even so, the warmth of that soft sensation on my lips refuses to fade.

TL: bro did a 180 from one kiss…