Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Feelings

Sakaki Saori had been bothered by it.

「Haa, I’ve gone and caused trouble again…」

After finishing practice for the sports festival, Saori had changed out of her gym clothes and was walking from the locker room back to the classroom. Alone in the empty hallway, she muttered these words to herself.

Today, ever since morning, she found herself unconsciously following Sakashima Ochiba with her eyes. Before now, she had never been so conscious of him. But ever since he started sitting next to her, she just couldn’t… settle down. She felt fluttery, her heart beating fast, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him.

「…I’m acting like an idiot.」

Today again, he was chatting and laughing with classmates—both boys and girls alike. Everyone liked him. But if you really watched closely, it looked like he kept a subtle distance from others.

Especially with girls, that boundary felt even clearer. He didn’t initiate any physical contact. Even if a girl touched him, he’d joke about it and immediately create some space. Whether he was aware of it or not, he had clearly drawn a line.

「I’m sure now, I’m just another person on the other side of that line to him.」

She could tell from his reaction earlier… she understood. Even though they’d broken up, he wouldn’t treat her rudely. But he would avoid any unnecessary contact. Because he stood out, he was probably extra cautious about those kinds of things.

There were likely girls in their class who had feelings for him. He had a good face, he could show consideration for others, and he excelled in both sports and academics. Saori was certain she wasn’t the only one who watched him.

But with the way he kept that distance, it was hard for anyone to step in forcibly. That was why he often got confessed to by girls from other classes, or juniors, or seniors—people who were more distant from him. Because those girls believed there might be a chance precisely because of that distance.

「Someone even called him out today at lunchtime…」

During lunch break, some underclassmen girls had come to call Ochiba out to the hallway. From their atmosphere, it was probably a confession. Saori couldn’t imagine Ochiba agreeing to it, but… there was no guarantee. He had a girl over at his house the other day, and Saori was sure he’d have a new girlfriend before long.

The thought of that made her chest ache terribly.

That smile of his would no longer be hers. It would belong to someone else. Just imagining that was so painful she felt on the verge of tears. And so… she had ended up doing something impulsive.

「I hope he doesn’t think I’m some weird girl…」

Tripping when she tried to untie the cord around her legs really did almost happen. But her foot falling asleep was just an excuse. She knew she should have released him right away—yet she couldn’t let go. She just didn’t want to let go.

Even just for a moment, she wanted to feel his warmth. She knew it was selfish, but she simply couldn’t hold back.

「That’s why I’m hopeless, isn’t it?」

That night, she had cried until she couldn’t cry anymore, thinking she’d drawn a line under it. But when she saw him in person, she just couldn’t control her feelings.

「I’ve never felt like this before, not even once.」

Her heart was still pounding. If she closed her eyes, she could recall his warm body, and her chest would tighten. …She caught herself thinking, “I want to touch him again. I want him to gently pull me close again.”

「…I’m so stupid.」

At last, Saori realized how Ochiba must have felt. He had managed to be with the person he liked, but he couldn’t touch or even share mutual laughter with her.

She herself couldn’t last even a single day without clinging to him like that. Yet Ochiba had never once done something like that. …He’d endured the whole time, and still stayed by her side.

Only now did Saori understand how painful that must have been for him.

「…I am the worst.」

Before long, there would be another seat shuffle and they would end up separated. Next year, they’d be in different classes. After graduation, they’d probably never see each other again.

When she thought about that, her chest hurt all over again. Surely, there was no way to repair their relationship now. But she hoped she could at least watch him from a little distance away. That much, at least, she wanted him to allow.

「Even that might be selfish, right?」

She mumbled in a small voice, letting out a sigh for what felt like the umpteenth time… but quickly swallowed it back. Someone was coming down the hallway—a boy she recognized.

「Sakashima-kun…」

In a hurry, she quickly combed her messy bangs with her fingers. Ochiba, noticing Saori, jogged over to her.

「Oh, Sakaki-san. Were you also on your way to buy a drink from the vending machine over there?」

「No… I was just heading back from the locker room.」

「Ah, gotcha. …Oh, right, I forgot to mention something earlier: I already told Miwa-kun about… well, about our situation.」

「Huh…?」

His unexpected words made Saori open her eyes wide. Ochiba continued, looking a bit apologetic.

「He said you were really important to him as a friend, and I could trust him, but he seemed kind of off. Plus, I heard there are some weird rumors going around. You should be careful for a while, Sakaki-san.」

「…Did that person say something to you?」

「Well, he didn’t exactly ‘say’ anything—he was just super angry. I didn’t think I said anything weird, but he suddenly grabbed me by the collar. That was a shock.」

「…I’m sorry he caused you trouble.」

Saori lowered her head, feeling awkward. Ochiba gave a light laugh and shook his head.

「It’s fine. It’s not like it’s your fault, Sakaki-san.」

「No, I bear some responsibility too. …He’s not necessarily a bad person, but… no, I should say, he wasn’t always a bad person. He’s… changed.」

Saori looked up at the ceiling as if recalling the past.

「He used to be kind and pure. But he had an older sister who was extremely talented. Being compared to her so often, I think his inferiority complex twisted him up inside. Lately, it’s been getting worse, and things got a bit heated between us yesterday as well…」

「Ah, so there’s that backstory. I never really had anyone I was measured against, so I can’t fully empathize, but I do get that it’s tough. …Well, it’s not really my business, though.」

Ochiba’s gaze turned very cold at those words. It wasn’t so much anger as it was disdain. Even though Saori knew she wasn’t the one being judged, she couldn’t help but look away.

「Alright, I should head back. You should hurry back to class too, Sakaki-san.」

With that, Ochiba quickly bought a can of coffee from the vending machine and left. Saori hesitated for a moment, then bought the same coffee he had.

「…It’s sweet.」

Saori rarely bought drinks like this, so she was surprised at how sweet it tasted.

「Does he like this kind of thing…?」

Even though they’d dated, Saori knew nothing about Ochiba’s preferences. She regretted not talking with him more when she had the chance, but that was her own fault. …Knowing that didn’t stop the ache in her chest.

The girl who had been at Ochiba’s house before probably knew more about him than she did. …And Ochiba likely showed that girl a side of himself Saori had never seen. The thought made her feel lonely all over again, and she felt like crying.

「…I’m so stupid.」

Trying to swallow down feelings that seemed pointless, Saori took another sip of the coffee.

「There’s still a little time left until the sports festival.」

Until then, she could be near him during practice. …She wouldn’t do something like clinging to him again, but at least she’d get to touch him once more in the course of practice.

That thought made her heart flutter, and ache equally as much.

「…I’d better get back.」

If she didn’t hurry, she’d be late for class. Saori started walking quickly, but a voice from behind made her stop in her tracks.

「Hey, Saori. Do you have a minute to talk now?」

「…You again?」

When she turned around, there stood Kozaburo Miwa, wearing a bright, refreshing smile.